Scars

One time, during a super bowl party, a friend and I had a question that sparked us- we decided to see if we could peel an apple with a drill and a super tool. Though, I am a firm believer that apples are better with the peel. It was…unorthodox. Somehow my finger got sliced but the apple was the most beautifully peeled apple we’ve ever seen. SO bare. While we were happy with our work and finding out that this works great to peel apples, I have a scar on my finger that retells that story everytime I look at it. It reminds me of that night and makes me laugh. I think this perfectly captures the sentiment of my scars now.  

Scars have always been cool to me though. Maybe it’s my imagination of a war veteran. Or a dirt biker. Maybe even a bear fight. I admired them on whoever wore them. But now, they mean so much more. 

An amazing patient experience coordinator encouraged me to view my scars as badges of honor. They are a testament of the challenges I am overcoming, and a silent (maybe brutal) reminder of my battles and resilience. I thought that was an awesome way to put it. So yeah scars are freaking awesome. 

They also represent authenticity to me. Society throws unrealistic beauty standards at us constantly and scars are a middle finger to that. Forget airbrushed perfection, we’re all unique in our own beautiful way, and that’s what makes the world so darned interesting (so be you and everything of it all). It is all a part of the human experience.

It seems like every day, someone makes an assumption about my scars. They usually guess a car crash, freak accident or a basketball injury. It often happens during those classic “elevator small talk” moments. My scars become the “guess the injury” game show everyone wants to play.

One time, a guy did the “how’d the other guy turn out?” joke. Everyone chuckled, and while I didn’t want to dampen the mood by revealing it is f*cking cancer, I just laughed along. 

A lady casually asked if I had a basketball injury. I chuckled at first, but I got a feeling so I decided to share with her and her family. It turned out her daughter was battling a similar issue and had just begun at Mayo Clinic, desperately seeking answers. My story offered a beacon of hope, had I not said something, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to use my story for good. 

My mom and I were enjoying brunch, and the waiter asked what happened. I chuckled. But he was persistent, listing a bunch of possibilities like basketball, soccer, a list of sports. Uh- salivary gland cancer my guy. He was a great guy, and I was reminded that sometimes, opening up can lead to unexpected connections. 

I also love the people here whom I gain strength from on the daily. One amazing woman recently had a kidney transplant. After beating ovarian cancer as a child. Her goal was to have her baby girl, and she did about a year ago. What a cool story. Then there’s our neighbor. She’s battling Crohn’s disease, and she also overcame cancer as a child. Her strength is truly inspiring to me. This reminds me of the scars we can’t always see. We all face struggles and scars come in many forms, sometimes they can’t always be seen, but they all speak of strength. 

I have a scar on my arm where they took the skin to put in my mouth to cover the tumor. The long scar is where they took the artery and vein. The scar on my neck is where they reattached the blood supply, and took some lymph nodes as well. The thigh is where the graft was taken where they reattached to my arm to cover it up.

The scar on my arm kinda looks like a sperm. While some interpretations get a bit… creative, we try to keep things lighthearted. My doctor said it looks like a “fly-swatter” and I love that! Also the one on my thigh is shaped like Indiana! I like to think that was done on purpose. PS- that bump is kinda funky it should go away though.

The new status quo is scars (in my opinion).(Graphic Warning).

My surgeon is a rockstar, she’s given me the lowdown on effective scar treatment options available. Scar gels (even if they’re mostly hype) and cosmetic solutions if desired once they’re healed down the road.

Speaking of funky things, my smile is a bit crooked due to some exploration needed and my nerves being stretched. I am a full-on laugher so let’s just say it’s a full-bodied experience. But I’m rocking every smile I can muster. And I’m grateful I can still laugh, that’s a win in my book. So cheers to embracing the wonky smiles and all the funky doodads thrown our way. 

Seriously though, jokes aside, my quirky smile doesn’t bug me too much. I’m so grateful for it.

Here is the new skin in my mouth. (Before and after healing + radiation).

But the coolest part is it’s all there for a good reason- to keep me healthy and eating without food flying out of my nose. I shower them with all the gratitude I have.

I have some hair’s starting to grow there. My surgeon mentioned laser treatment if it gets too crazy.

Here’s the takeaway, life can be doozy but we gotta roll with the punches. And laugh at the absurdity of it all. Though I do catch myself forgetting how crazy it might look to everyone else. 

So if you have scars or a unique charm, pimp out. Take moments to acknowledge them but embrace them until you can no longer because you’re one tough cookie and you’re still here to rock them. That’s pretty awesome. 

Embrace your charm,

Kam